Salia Mokobo, a pseudonym adopted to safeguard his professional reputation, shared a poignant account of how his parents’ divorce shattered his childhood and continues to reverberate through his adult life. Born in January 1993 as the youngest of four siblings, Mokobo was barely a year old when his mother filed for divorce in 1994. He later learned that the dissolution of their marriage stemmed from his father’s struggle with alcoholism and the ensuing physical and emotional abuse.
Though his father was a teacher and his mother a nurse, the promise of a stable, professional household quickly unraveled. Soon after the divorce, his mother relocated to the United States to pursue further education. Left under the care of their father, Mokobo and his siblings were shuffled among various relatives for years. His mother’s absence during his formative years was profound, while his father’s presence was inconsistent at best.
At the age of eight, Mokobo’s mother returned from the US and endeavored to reunite her children under one roof. They moved into a property she had secured as part of the divorce settlement, but his father’s harassment persisted relentlessly. By the time Mokobo reached Standard 4, his father had reclaimed the house, sold it, and squandered the proceeds on alcohol, leaving the family homeless.
“I moved to a women’s shelter with my sister and mother. That’s when I made the decision, as I got older, to do better and become a better version of myself. I became deeply academic and became a high achiever at school for many years.”
Growing up was a relentless struggle for Mokobo. Without a positive male role model to guide him, he was forced to navigate the complexities of life alone. “Eventually, my mother’s financial situation became stable enough to put all of us under one roof. For some time, there was stability, and we didn’t see too much of our father. Early junior school years, I found myself leaning towards less desirable friends. I had a strong desire to fit in with alcohol and cigarettes. Started drinking from 11, found solace in the bottle; it felt good to let go of troubles, so I drank a lot and often.”
Despite the turmoil within, Mokobo excelled academically throughout high school, assuming leadership roles and maintaining impressive grades. Yet behind this façade of success lay profound loneliness and a secret dependence on alcohol. University ushered in newfound freedom. Thanks to government stipends and financial support from his mother, who had transitioned into the private sector, Mokobo had the means to fuel his habits. With his mother frequently away on business, his home became a hotspot for parties.
“Inside of me, the party did not have to end. Eventually, alcohol was not enough; I turned to hard drugs, cocaine to be exact. I would be so angry with the world, and my mood changed to wanting to be alone.”
In a desperate quest for healing, Mokobo sought to reconnect with his father. Yet, with both men battling alcoholism, their relationship quickly devolved into toxicity. “The loneliness stayed through varsity until it materialized into depression, ultimately becoming suicidal attempts.”
The family made attempts at counseling to confront their buried wounds, but these were short-lived. Mokobo survived two suicide attempts over the years, and his bond with his father remained fractured. Ultimately, through intensive therapy and prayer, he mustered the strength to overcome addiction. He completed his degree successfully and has since held several significant professional roles. Reflecting on his journey, he acknowledges the void left by his father’s absence.
“All in all, it wasn’t easy to navigate life without any positive male figure. Although my sister and mother were supportive through the journey, certain answers can only be given to a son by their father.”
Statistics Botswana’s 2024 Marriage Statistics Brief casts light on marriage trends over the past four years. The report notes that 7,631 marriages were registered in 2021, followed by 5,642 in 2022, 4,789 in 2023, and 4,517 in 2024.
“Gaborone had the highest proportion of registered marriages in 2024, accounting for 11.9 percent of all unions. This was followed by Central Serowe/Palapye (9.6%), Kweneng East (9.2%), and Southern (8.8%) districts. Districts such as Sowa (0.3%), Jwaneng (0.7%), and Chobe (0.9%) registered the lowest proportions. This is, however, expected, as the percentages align closely with the sizes of the respective populations.”
The report further reveals that the majority of grooms were bachelors (87.7%), with smaller percentages comprised of divorcees (9.7%) and widowers (2.6%). Similarly, most brides were spinsters (94.3%), while divorcees (4.8%) and widows (0.9%) formed a minor fraction.
Rebecca Kubanji of the University of Botswana, in her study ‘Nuptiality Patterns and Trends in Botswana,’ highlights growing concern over the country’s rising divorce rates. “Kgalemang (2010) reported that Francistown alone registered 288 and 349 divorce cases in 2009 and 2010, respectively. The author concluded that such is an indication that the value and importance of marriage are reducing with time. Seitshiro (2010) asserted that adultery and desertion of partners were major factors in the increase in divorce cases in Botswana in 2010.”
This troubling trend is underscored by the Administration of Justice (AoJ) annual reports. The AoJ report for 2023 notes that the four high court divisions; Gaborone, Lobatse, Francistown, and Maun; registered a total of 2,144 matrimonial causes from January 1 to December 31, 2023.
Emily Smith-Greenway and Shelley Clark have documented that children of divorced parents in sub-Saharan Africa face significant health disadvantages compared to their peers from intact families. Their research suggests these disadvantages are not uniform across the region’s diverse contexts. “Specifically, we hypothesize that the childhood disadvantages associated with divorce are more severe in regions of sub-Saharan Africa where divorce is rare, and less so where divorce is a more common family experience.”
Further, a study by The American College of Pediatricians, based on decades of research, finds that children from divorced families fare markedly worse academically, behaviorally, and socially than those raised by married parents. “They also tend to have poorer self-esteem and experience more interpersonal relationship problems. Adolescents whose parents recently divorced, as well as those whose parents had been divorced for over four years, were more likely to abuse cocaine and marijuana than those with intact families.”
Tapologo Maundeni observes that most mothers and children report economic hardship post-divorce, though a few note improvement or no change in their financial situations.
In an interview with this publication, Boyson Mokone, executive director of BBM Counselling and Recovery and founder of Youth of Hope Safe Haven, emphasized the lasting, deeply rooted effects divorce can have on children, particularly boys. He explained that when family structures crumble, boys often feel a profound sense of loss, confusion, and emotional turmoil. Such upheaval can manifest as low self-esteem, anger, and risky behaviors that imperil their futures.
“When a father figure is absent, discipline and moral guidance may weaken. The boy child, left without a consistent model of authority, can become vulnerable to negative influences. With little supervision and emotional support, he may start seeking belonging and validation in the wrong places, among peers who encourage substance abuse, truancy, or even criminal acts.”
Mokone warns that what begins as a coping mechanism for emotional pain can swiftly spiral into destructive behavior. He noted that the lack of structure in broken homes often leaves boys rudderless. Many internalize their pain, masking wounds through defiance or aggression.
“This inner conflict frequently leads to experimentation with drugs or alcohol, which provides temporary escape but deepens long-term instability. Moreover, once substance use begins, the line between curiosity and criminality becomes dangerously thin.”
In communities where broken families are common, entire peer groups may normalize delinquent behavior. Mokone stressed that boys once full of promise can be drawn into gangs, petty crimes, and antisocial lifestyles. This moral decline is not born from inherent badness but from the absence of loving guidance, discipline, and understanding during their struggle.
“However, there is still hope. With deliberate community involvement, mentorship programs, and positive male role models, we can rescue the boy child from this downward path. Schools, churches, and family members must work together to instill values of respect, resilience, and responsibility. Emotional healing requires consistent support and open dialogue, teaching boys that strength lies in seeking help, not in hiding pain.”
He concluded that while divorce may mark the end of a marriage, it should never dictate the fate of a child’s future.
“If society invests in rebuilding the moral and emotional foundation of the boy child, he can rise above family circumstances, choosing purpose over delinquency, discipline over self-destruction, and hope over despair.”