Home » News » Weekend Life » Banana Emoji talks Queer sex!

Banana Emoji talks Queer sex!

Publishing Date : 18 February, 2020

Author : TLHABO KGOSIEMANG

But what does it really mean to be Queer? Yes, it’s an identity but it also conveys a sense of community. Queer isn’t a synonym for gay, but even in 2020, it still confuses the best out of many.


Queer is a word that clarifies that one is not straight and it ties them to the larger queer community, but it doesn’t categorize them as gay. The vagueness of the term is intentional-queer is an identity created for anyone outside of the heterosexual norm and meant to be inclusive and create a sense of acceptance.


While all labels used to describe one’s sexual orientation are unique to the individual, unlike homosexual, queer is an umbrella term that can be used by anyone under the LGBTIQ spectrum. Queer conveys both an orientation and a sense of community. ‘’The community aspect states ‘Because we’re all different, we can celebrate our differences. I can accept you for who you are, and there’s power in numbers’ there’s an aspect to it that doesn’t allow for isolation.


Some folks who fall somewhere in the middle of the sexual orientation spectrum, will describe themselves as queer rather than bisexual or pansexual. Others will use both and introduce themselves as bisexual and queer. The term queer is also used by those whose gender does not fall on the binary’’


The celebration and use of the word queer is one of reclamation. Not so long ago, queer was still used as slur. It was a derogatory term. The reclamation of the word is like, this is who I am, we don’t need to be like everyone else; let’s celebrate our differences, and don’t try to put me in any sort of box of who you need me to be because I’ll continuously try to break down the boxes. It is worth noting that while the word queer is generally celebrated, some LGBTIQ folks still prefer to avoid it due to its discriminatory history.


Sex planning is touchy, and when you’re queer, you often are asked things about your sexuality or find people assuming things about how you engage in sex that are entirely ignorant. Now, we all know LGBTIQ folks get asked a lot of strange and awkward questions when it comes to sex. Society, family, friends and pretty much everyone else will have something to say, and it can get awkward.


One person is more masculine, one is more feminine. Also known as: one person is always the top, one person is the bottom. Or, one person is the ‘man’ and the other person is the ‘woman.’ Assuming this masculine/feminine kind of relationship dynamic is myopic and will not make you look cool or informed. Queer people, just like all people, do not always take on traditional gender roles, whether both people have penises or both have vaginas.


We are talking about two human people here who may or may not be versatile when to comes to toping or bottoming or who may or may not stay in specific roles during sex. This logic applies to heterosexual couples too, by the way. For cisgender straight couples, it’s still wrong to assume that just because you have a vagina, you’re automatically down to take orders, or that just because you have a penis, you are in charge.


People assume that someone who is dominant is always controlling. If you find out a queer person is dominant in the bedroom, don’t assume that they are the one controlling the relationship. Likewise, if someone is submissive, don’t assume they can’t wear the pants. Who they are in bed is not always who they are in life. This is falling into that ‘one must be masculine, one feminine’ trap again. Sure, if one person is dominant in the sack, they totally might be dominant in the relationship, but you cannot assume that.


Queer sex is not some simple thing you can put into a box of ‘yes, that counts’ and ‘no, that doesn’t’. Penetration is not necessarily always involved when it comes to queer sex. Some cisgender gay women define sex between two women as when someone has an orgasm. Now, this is not necessarily how every person would define sex between two vagina owners. Anal sex does not always qualify as sex between two penis owners. Queer sex is not seen in the black and white, penis in the vagina that heterosexual sex is often, and most probably wrongly defined.


In his quest to explain all this misconceptions, blogger and owner of local artvism blog Banana Emoji Tanlume Enyatseng is hosting the third instalment and first of its 2020 edition of Banana Club, a platform aimed at informing, inspiring and engaging with various key publics in an effort to lead a relevant and dynamic conversations. The third club session will delve into the topic ‘sexual health and wellbeing in the LGBTIQ community’, next week in Gaborone.


He told Weekend Life that ‘’this particular session of Banana Club seeks to explore issues around queer sex, consent, pleasure and sexual health and wellbeing in the LGBTIQ community in hopes of encouraging people to think differently about sex in an environment that is truly inclusive. Sexual health is a fundamental human right and we believe in equal access for all people irrespective of gender or sexuality. Banana Club remains committed to changing the narrative that the queer community are difficult to reach; we ask instead where the gaps in knowledge are, what type of interventions will address them and work with communities to create culturally specific interventions.’’


Banana Club indicated that it welcomes the support of allies that agree with its manifesto and wish to work with them to achieve a certain aim. The session is split into two halves; one half being dedicated to sharing personal experience, with each participant  free to contribute as much or as little as they want and the second half being dedicated to questions and answers. With the help of the community, Banana Club wants to pinpoint where health institutions and practitioners are failing LGBTIQ people and propose ways that might remedy this. The session will be documented as part of a research process.


Enyatseng further indicated that as Banana Club, they seek to challenge dominant narratives and create a space in which the queer community can discuss freely, saying when they share their stories, they foster visibility and wipe out myths. ‘’the visibility that comes from different people sharing experiences, queering and disrupting views of the world, is a celebration of plurality’’ he said.


Bananaemoji.com established in 2016 is a blog that illustrates today’s evolving culture through art, social commentary, fashion and humor. Its readers are anything but the normal, they’re bold, free-spirited life lovers who recognize that perfection is boring. The blog reaches a community of over 6000 views around the world and works from the website have been published in such platforms as WeTransfer, Blaque Magazine, AfroPunk as well as Guardian.

POPULER BRANDS