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Marriage Or Damage

Publishing Date : 04 April, 2018


It appears that marriages are no longer revered or considered sacrosanct, hence almost daily we hear of many marriages ‘on the rocks’ as it were. We hear of breakdowns of these marriages and many of them ending in divorce, leaving the marriage partners in shatters, not to mention the children and the wider family.  

The Almighty has created humanity, male and female, each in need of another, and has established the institution of marriage as a means of uniting the souls in a blessed bond of love leading to their pleasure and happiness in a way that is advantageous to humankind. And He reminds us of His great favours: "And among His signs is that He created for you of yourselves spouses that you may live in joy with them, and He has set between you love and mercy between your hearts. Surely in that are signs for those who reflect." (Quran 30:21) The Quran further says: "It is He Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of lineage and marriage: for your Lord has power (over all things)." (25:54)

From the above verses we note that the Almighty has put ‘love’ between the couple, this love is both physical and emotional. This love can only come from respect – we can’t love someone for whom we have no respect. For this to happen, the spouses should pay attention to be good to one another and to forgive mistakes and most importantly to exercise care in dealing with each other’s emotions. For the spouse, his or her companion is their best friend, but friendship is only as good as the amount of investment you make in it.

Click back to the day when the couple agreed to marry and one could see the beams of happiness in the faces of the excited bride-and-groom-to-be; the gleeful and euphoric mood about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. After some time reality begins to set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort, patience, understanding, and more especially give and take.

People should enter marriage with the right intention;  Apart from pleasing each other the next step is that both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing the Almighty in order to receive His grace and blessings because marriage is a ‘sacred contract’. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded.

The tone of marriage in Islam (or in every religion for that matter) is a commitment made to each other,  of integrity, of mutual respect, kindness, love, companionship, trust and a harmonious interaction between the couple. They should see each other as a friend, a partner to share their life and concerns; to cherish and protect one another to bear their responsibilities; these actions lead to finding peace and comfort in the days ahead. They should be each other’s protectors; ‘They (wives) are your garments and you (husbands) are their garments’. (Quran 2: 187)  

Just as a garment does, it protects the body giving it comfort, protection, beautifies and covers the body giving it warmth. We therefore have to ensure that we live a life that is based on mutual respect and of looking after the needs and wants of one another.  ‘O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it its mate and from them both have spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah in Whom you claim (your rights) of one another, and towards the wombs (that bore you). For Allah ever watches over you." (4:1)

In his teachings Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) had many advices for us when he said: ‘Women are the twin halves of men. Allah enjoins you to treat women well, for they are your mothers, wives, daughters and aunts’; ‘It is the generous (in character) who is good to women, and it is the wicked who insults them’; ‘Treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers’; ‘The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are best to their wives’. In another of his teachings he says: ‘The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best and kindest to his wife’;

‘This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman’. Too often nowadays many of us Muslims included tend to treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. We should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, this should also form the basis of the marital relationship.

A very important thing to remember is that a happy and strong marriage creates a happy family life that builds inter relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, and among other members of the family group. Here are a few choice words from (former First Lady) Michelle Barrack Obama on the occasion of World Marriage Day:

Quote: “Marriage flourishes when the couple works together as a team; when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score. Good marriages don’t just happen they are a product of hard work……….

A successful marriage doesn’t require a big house, a perfect spouse, a million dollars or an expensive car. You can have all the above and, still have a miserable marriage. A successful marriage requires honesty, undying commitment and selfless love and God at the centre of it all………….

Don’t take your spouse for granted. Don’t take advantage of your spouse’s meekness and goodness. Don’t mistake your spouse’s loyalty for desperation. Don’t misuse or abuse your spouse’s trust, you may end up regretting after losing someone that meant so much to you…………

Your children are watching you and forming lasting opinions on love, commitment and marriage based on what they see in you. Give them hope. Make them look forward to marriage………” (Unquote)

However in this day and age marriage seems to have been become ‘old fashioned’ and been side lined as many people today share their lives as ‘live in’ partners, without undergoing the religious ceremony of sacred vows or the legal route. But for those whose are married or those looking forward to their upcoming union we can only give you some of the stepping stones to make your relationship a happy and lasting one.

Remember that Your Spouse is your partner - Spend Quality Time Together - Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations - Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness - Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse - Express Feelings Often - Have a Sense of Humour - Surprise Each Other at Times -
Most importantly: Be Your Mate's Best Friend - This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is usually someone that can we can confide in, trust and rely upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.



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